Second Weddings

“What about us—when are we getting married?” she asks, twelve anniversaries after their first wedding. He, who can’t even remember that first “I do”… This is the story of Anne and Bill. Seventy-one candles for him, sixty-nine for her, and eighteen years of shared memories that now feel like a distant echo. And yet the degenerative neurological disease Bill is battling—similar in many ways to Alzheimer’s—doesn’t seem strong enough to overcome something that soars above it. At friends’ wedding, Bill, hardly able to speak and often drifting away, asks her again. Then again in the days that follow, like a mantra, driven by a destiny that only leads him back to Anne. So here they are: second weddings framed by red roses and big hearts. Anne with a flower crown in her hair, Bill in a Hawaiian shirt. On August 17 they celebrate in the garden under a sun that betrays nothing of Scotland’s capricious weather. Even the clouds have made way for such brightness.

Second weddings—like any fresh start—often require courage. If you’re seasoned at the altar, remember: the first to inform are your children (if you have them), plus parents and close family. Next come friends, both intimate and casual… and your ex? Etiquette once advised against it, but today, if you’ve kept things amicable, why not? Just don’t forget to include his or her relatives and any new partner.

They might serve as ring bearers, toss petals at a key moment, or take part in readings. Your children’s role is to be the focus of your love and an integral part of a ceremony that never, ever makes them feel second best.

For second (or third) weddings, printed invitations aren’t mandatory. A phone call, text, or email will do nicely.

Etiquette is clear: no veil, no ostentation. Choose a sheath dress or a light-colored suit. Traditions have softened over time, giving way to emotion—so spoil yourselves, indulge a bit, and don’t forfeit anything that makes you happy. Starting a new life together is always electric, no matter how many times you’ve walked down the aisle. Bridesmaids? Absolutely. Bachelor or bachelorette parties? By all means. First dance, wedding album, show-stopping cake? Yes, yes, and yes. A toast, a robust cocktail reception, or an intimate cocktail party can all become the backdrop for informal yet unforgettable memories.

Who says you can’t accept gifts? If your home is already fully furnished, steer guests toward honeymoon contributions. There’s always something loved ones can do—just point them in the right direction and they’ll be eager to help.

A bouquet is almost essential, but keep it modest and colorful, never excessive. The same goes for favors: small sachets or tiny boxes for sugared almonds. Or, if you’d rather skip them altogether, etiquette won’t mind.